Not sure what all this M business is about? Catch up here:

I ran into a juggernaut of an offense in last week's matchup, but still somehow managed to squeak out a 6-5 win. That doesn't help me much in the standings, though; I'm still in 7th place, barely missing out on a playoff spot.

I made some changes to my roster. I dropped Matt Wieters and replaced him with Manny Pina, who has rewarded my vigilance by batting .400 since then. I also added Maikel Franco (who is hot right now) and Miguel Rojas to be a fill-in for other guys. We're at the part of the season where I can't have any wasted days due to a player having the night off. We're fighting for every at bat, and I need that middle infield depth.

Today we're going to talk about pitching. The part where the guy stands on the thing and throws the ball at the other guy. Here's how the roster looks right now:

THE MONARCHS

Marcus "Literally My Only Legit Ace" Stroman
Mike "This Is Not A Typo" Leake

Mike Leake is an "Ace" on this team. That's the sorry state of affairs. Worse, I'm skeptical Leake will continue to pitch at this level. Tanaka, Estrada, and Harvey (dropped) were all supposed to be in this category.

THE MID-RANGE MARINES

Mike "Please Ignore My FIP" Fiers
Mike "Best Scrabble Points Name" Foltynewicz
Mike "Greasy Stoner Chick" Clevinger
Michael "I'm not dead yet!" Wacha

A passable group of guys. Foltynewuiwroiserwicz and Clevinger run the risk of being shut down in September (they pitched 150 and 146 innings in 2016, respectively) but that's a problem for the Future Mancies, so we'll let those guys worry about it.

THE MEH

Masahiro "Sunk Cost" Tanaka
Marco "Sunker Cost" Estrada

I drafted these guys really high and am too proud to drop them, like a battered spouse. I don't wanna talk about it.

THE MERCENARIES

These are guys who I've been rotating in and out when I need to collect Wins/Strikeouts/Quality Starts. Mostly it's a rotation of Garza, Perez, Gonzalez, and occasionally Boyd. Mike Montgomery was getting me some great starts until the Cubs inexplicably moved him to the bullpen like a buncha jerks.

Most annoying on this list? Michael Pineda, Matt Andriese, Matt Shoemaker, and Matt Harvey. The first two were pitching great for me before getting injured, and the latter two were just shitty overall. Injuries are extra harmful when you don't have much M-depth.

THE MOONLIGHTERS

Did someone say injuries? Let's talk about my reliever situation!

Mark Melancon: currently on the DL. Also, he sucks. Also, the Giants suck.
Matt Bush: owned by another fantasy manager who refuses to trade him. Also, he sucks.
Matt Albers: I had him for a while, hoping to get some saves in the trainwreck of a Nationals bullpen, but Dusty Baker hates me and also they just acquired a bunch of good Padres relievers.
Matt Grace: why did Dusty Baker give this garbage time loser more save opportunities than Matt Albers this is bullshit dude wtf.
Michael Lorenzen: sometimes I nab him when it looks like he'll have a vulture save opportunity. But he rarely does. Also, he sucks.
Matt Albers: sometimes has a vulture save opportunity (but not really).
Mike Minor: currently occupying one of my RP slots to help with my ERA and WHIP and maybe snag a Win here and there.
Mychal Givens: same as Mike Minor, but in orange.
Michael Feliz: like a poor man's Mike Minor or Mychal Givens. Not currently on my team.

So what has the above shit-show of a pitching staff gotten me in my fantasy league?

W: 3rd
SV: 12th (lol)
K: 3rd
ERA: 10th
WHIP: 11th
QS: 1st

And my week-by-week breakdown of pitching matchups:

Week 15: 4-1-1
Week 14: 3-3-0
Week 13: 5-0-1
Week 12: 2-2-2
Week 11: 2-4-0
Week 10: 5-1-0
Week 9: 0-5-1
Week 8: 0-4-2
Week 7: 3-3-0
Week 6: 3-3-0
Week 5: 3-2-1
Week 4: 6-0-0
Week 3: 2-3-1
Week 2: 6-0-0
Week 1: 0-6-0
TOTAL: 44-37-9

Look at how goddamn passable that is! The quantity vs quality strategy is working! Most of the time I win the Wins, Strikeouts, and Quality Starts categories. Saves are a punt right now, and ERA/WHIP are a coin-toss. I can live with that.

Things aren't going to get easier. But we've got a chance. For a team made up entirely of M-named players, what more could I ask for?